


Lighter

by Quiet_Moonlight



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dw he gets better :D, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda a vent fic based on when i first cut my hair, Other, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quiet_Moonlight/pseuds/Quiet_Moonlight
Summary: Alex shaves his head and is emotional about it.
Relationships: Alex/Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Lighter

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if its jumpy and the ending is a bit abrupt. I wanted to talk about Alex actually shaving his hair based off that one line he has in game that i wish got more attention. Lowkey ish vent about my own experiences as a genderfluid person living with transphobic family.

Alex has been married to the farmer for several months now. Its 3 am on a winter morning and hes on the tiled bathroom floor clinging to an electric razer like a lifeline. The nauseating hum of the overhead light is barely drowned out by his choked sniffles. Thats how the farmer finds him, that snapshot forever in it's mind. It kneels down next to Alex, and gently clasps it's hands around his, its been here before. 

For years Alex had fretted over every little imperfection of his body, constantly striving for perfection. Hoping against all odds that achieving this would somehow fix him. If he was just a little stronger, if he was just a little faster then maybe he could be comfortable in his body. And maybe if he could get the attention of all the girls, he could stop worrying about what the guys thought.

He hated his father with a passion and yet his words still echoed inside his mind. It made Alex angry at himself. Angry that he wasn't able to just walk away like the bigger man he claimed to be, angry that he felt bed, angry for being angry. He just wanted to forget the horrible things his father had said. The years he had spent naively working for his father's acceptance bore into his mind. Deep down he knew that he was still trying to impress him.

The words his father had spit from his mouth fueled the fires that Alex had used to burn any sence of abnormally or weakness, growing flames so high that it was inevitable that he was scorched. But it was possible to ignore those wounds in a stagnant small town. Consistency and repetition never made him confront his emotions. No clashing ideals and new prospectives that would force him to reevaluate existed there. Alex could almost pretend he was normal.

When the farmer arrived he knew he was done for. He knew from the moment Lewis had announced that It would be moving into the old cabin. The pride that radiated from it's genderfluid form stoked the old flames of guilt with a newfound jealousy. He thought that if he could just pull up his defenses and growl when it got to close that it would go away. But that plan was doomed from the start, for he found himself drawn to it. He saw in it was he lacked, this forbidden joy in being and self acceptance.

He had been hidding from himself for so long that this self discovery feels more like a reunion. That morning on the bathroom floor was a crescendo, like a crashing wave from a broken dam. All those years of suppression and guilt cumulating into this one moment. It was okay if he was different from other boys, it was okay if he wasn't really a boy at all.

For once in his life Alex feels truly free. Not partially like when he moved into his grandparents house, but entirely. His shorn hair laying in clumps on the tile around him is all he can focus on for a while. He feels lighter, the symbolic act having unchained something deep in his heart. He knows that he'll get to view the world in a new light, but for now he wants to spend an eternity kneeling on the cold bathroom floor cradled in his partner's arms.


End file.
